Chapter 10

His finger reattached, our hero renewed his efforts to pay off his debt.

The idea came to him while discussing with the healer what he did for recreation. A learned man, he answered simply that he read books, and drank. Our hero read books, though only the illustrated kind. In this new world, there were neither films nor television shows to watch. On television he would watch animated series, cooking shows, and women’s basketball, as he found their limbs beautiful. The healer nodded, for, as a learned man, he knew when another man had to have his ramble.

Our hero set out with a new venture in mind. He sought the cooperation of the sisters.

It did not take long to find them. The sisters felt they had very little need to go to the city, seeing that urban life was inferior to living in the wilderness, and any sacrifice that had to be made for a natural lifestyle should be made, for it was the superior way of living. However, as self-sufficient as they were, the knives, cleavers, and swords of the city were sharper and lasted longer than their own, which comparison befuddled them. In order to have superior tools, they traveled to the city, once a month, trading in fur, produce, meat, and other goods.

They were not upset upon seeing our hero, as they did not recognize him. They did think the pig speaking was charming in its own right. As they had much time on their hands in-between hunting and eating animals, they thought this “basketball” would make for a good diversion. Our hero believed as every good businessman does: that his employees would be so grateful for this opportunity, they would finally sit on his face.

The partners fashioned a basketball out of leather, carved the court out of rock and wove uniforms out of cotton. The girls took the rules well, though our hero had to reduce the rules on fouls as the sisters thought violence improved the game.

There was only one problem: there was no other “team”, so to speak.

Our hero assembled a rival team out of citizens, consisting of prostitutes and housewives, who were wives without houses to mind but plenty of children, who themselves could one day become basketball players. However, the women did not earn wages, their masters earned their wages. What they received for their efforts were balms for their boredom.

As these women were half the size of the sisters, our hero fancied this a sort of exhibition match.

Our hero tried to a muster a crowd for the match. Seeing there was not much to do, there were several people able to fill every seat. However, none of them owned any gold. Our hero settled with payment in bread.

The exhibition was a success. The crowd walked away much entertained. There was enough interest to fill the calendar year with matches.

The chief problem was that every player on the opposing team resigned, or had to resign, from concussion, broken limbs, or immoderate fear of “basketball”. In fact, the audience specifically clamored for the head-breaking and the leg-bending the sisters were keen on doing.

Fortunately, there were more seats to fill around the court than there were women in a team. If the women were educated, they would realize every girl in the city would have a broken arm by the end of the year, and some would have both arms broken. But every girl likes bread. And most of their husbands and fathers were loath to give them any.

In another stroke of fortune, women were no longer needed to fill out the teams. Men volunteered. Furthermore, they no longer needed a ball, or a rulebook.

The games soon acquired a high rate of casualty, much higher than those in our hero’s prior world.

The dilemma posed to the city was that, as barbaric a sight as basketball was, the nobles enjoyed the divertissement. Less men in the city meant more wives for the nobles, though it also meant less men to work caravans, build buildings, and serve tea. However, on further contemplating the matter, more work meant more coordination, which meant more work from the nobles, who were currently content with all of the city’s wealth.

They thus chose the option most favorable and time-honored among them: they did nothing, for doing nothing was the luxury most affordable to people with wealth. Yet there was some discomfort in knowing the sisters ate the rival team’s bodies afterwards.

The men, the basketball players, did not seem to mind. Men peculiarly feel, or wish to feel, they are equals in all acts of destruction, even when they are participating in their own. In fact, they welcomed it: today they are eager to tell their friends of the scar they acquired, the elbow they broke, or the eyepatch they must wear, and tomorrow they will worry about workers’ compensation.

Eventually, the king seized the rights to the game, so as to profit by it. As the inventor, commissioner, and the owner of the only successful team, our hero was rewarded with more debt, on behalf of all the widows and orphans basketball created.