In her grief over her divorce the mage poured her heart and soul into learning the necromancer’s spells, and became quite good at casting them. In normal life, the image of the soul is aligned with the image of the body; necromancy severs and creates differences between the two images. On some days she imagined the soul as a fish, on other days she imagined it as water, and her task consisted of guiding the soul to its proper place.
She became so successful at these spells noblewomen supplied her with other women whose features they desired. She began a successful business in grafting.
The replica was delivered, and an extravagant wedding was planned. The replacement, though he ordered for the princess’s imprisonment, would attend, for free wine was offered, and kings much love having things without paying their price.
The preparations had a flaw, however. The replacement loved roast pig. Our hero’s company was sought after. Fortunately a roasted pig of appropriate size was found when the manpig had a heart attack. The doctor stiffly surmised there was one large reason as to why he was not receiving proper blood circulation.
Now the wedding had no groom.
Our hero found the pigman, who was a forest creature conceived when the forest god in the form of a pig conceived with a human woman. He convinced him to replace the manpig. To cover his alopecia, the mage grafted his predecessor’s hair onto him. His limp had to be supported by a cane. Then the mage made the most important touch. However, this touch, due to rigor mortis, was constantly erect. The member was given a hat and clothes and supposed to be the manpig’s mistress.
As brides do, the princess got cold feet and ordered our hero to cancel the wedding. She was an honorable person and did not retract her promise of treasure, after much convincing by the eunuch.
The wedding was well-beloved. The replacement drank much, ate much pork, and did not notice the manpig, who was a close friend unfortunately transmogrified by a witch, was barely comprehensible, for he too was unable to hold a conversation, never needing the skill.
The priest read the bride and groom their vows, prefacing that each of them could be refunded with gold. The pigman collapsed, fed much poison. The attendants of the wedding plunged their swords into the mistress, assuming she was the assassin, and had blood and other fluids cover them.
The princess wept, canceled the remainder of the event, and sent roasted pieces of the groom as consolation. She ordered our hero to save the phallus. As it had lost much blood, the mage grafted it onto the eunuch and redirected the blood away from him and towards the man, in the same vein a tree draws water and nutrients from its soil. The phallus rejuvenated, and, where the eunuch perished, his consciousness was transferred to the phallus. The arrangement was satisfactory for all parties, for the eunuch only existed to please his ward, and the princess did not like that the eunuch talked so much. In fact, the princess liked this so much that she relayed to the replacement that the witch had returned again, turned his friend into a phallus, and she sought to marry the phallus. This also pleased the replacement who also did not like to talk, and her subsequent marriage restored her reputation in the eyes of the royalty.
As for the replica, who sighed in relief when the manpig deceased, his freedom was bought by the princess, as she liked to watch.
© 2025 Justin Lee