Though the forest and the city in the past shared very few communications, the city, upon seeing their citizens take the historic lands of the forest creatures, cultivate them, and banish them from their ancestral homes through bloodshed, such that their only recourse was to take up the bottle and complain, felt something like compassion for the forest folk and allowed them to govern their own people under their own laws though they inhabited what was now predominantly the city’s lands. Eager to use their newfound rights, the forest creatures created laws, for historically they had none, except for those that promoted the survival of the strongest. Our hero could not resist his divorce and had to be subjected to the authority of the pope of the forest.
The pope of the forest was an ancient dragon, who in his younger days devoted his heart and soul to the god of the forest, and whose faith was rewarded by the same god, who was dead. When that god was still alive, he argued that the god rewarded compassion and decency shown to their fellow animals. This was harder to argue now that this same god was deceased, and compassion was measured by mouthfuls of food.
The pope ignored our hero’s divorce and brought up an entirely new charge: that of miscegenation. Only the former god of the forest could mix blood between man and animal. This was punishable by death.
Our hero sought counsel. The mage summoned the spirits of her husband and the prosecutor, attaching her husband’s upper half with the attorney’s bottom half, creating a female minotaur with two lifetimes of experience in law. This minotaur also had breasts. Unfortunately, the minotaur was a quarter animal, and thus was afforded with a quarter of the rights given to animals. Upon realizing this, she transplanted herself to the forest folk’s side and became a prosecutor.
Our heroes sought out one of the pope’s bishops for counsel, slew him, and replaced his head with the phallus, formerly the princess’s eunuch. The pope did not notice his bishop’s transformation as in his prior life he was also a dickhead. Unfortunately, the phallus was as unintelligible as the former bishop, and was thus ignored. He had to be content sodomizing little boys.
Finally, our heroes consulted the sisters. The sisters had a superior grasp of the laws of the forest than our heroes did, as a result of being favorites of the former god, and sought to settle the matter in a duel, as there were no laws in the forest. The mighty dragons assented. The duel would by waged in basketball.
Though dragons are renowned for their aerial abilities, their posture and manual dexterity did not allow for good dribbling. They stumbled through the first, second, third and fourth quarters. The pope heckled his team, threatened to excommunicate his bishops, and raised all sorts of blackmail, yet nevertheless they lost. He would have to be satisfied with their crucifixion for their lack of zeal for their god, who was dead.
As final rites, the pope demanded our hero kiss his feet a thousand times. He then demanded our hero flog himself a thousand times, and pray not to be a human in the next life. He then demanded our hero eat the waste of a thousand animals. When this was no longer funny he released him.
It was then the dragon’s egg hatched.
The pope rejoiced, for it was a baby without blemish. As a token of intimacy, he and the baby touched nostrils. He recoiled, for it was the child of himself and his niece. He ordered the baby to be executed. The bishops, who were in the process of being crucified, had had enough, and revealed all of the pope’s sexual indiscretions, with this and that boy, covered in roses and whip cream, with wooden paddles, et cetera. The animals beat the pope, tore his wings off, and gelded him, and for every boy he sodomized he was sodomized in turn, which justice was difficult to enact, for he enjoyed centuries of sodomy.
Our hero and the doe, though they had discovered the other was not a good person, agreed to remarry to take care of the baby dragon.
© 2025 Justin Lee